1. Is it hot in here, or is it just me?

I don’t know, the furnace is on.

2. Is it cold in here, or is it just me?

I don’t know, the air conditioner’s on

3. Which of these paper cutters works better?

The brown one seems to be sharper, though the ruler guide is not as easy to read. You need to hold the blade tightly against the base in order to get a nice cut on either of them. Watch your tie, tie-wearers! Oh, the shame and embarrassment of walking the corridors with a decapitated tie hanging around your neck, threads dangling, Windsor knot tightening. Shame!

4. Did you say his name is Dragon?

That’s right, Dragon. But you can call him “Big-Lovable-Track-Suit-Wearing-Loud-Talking-
Cable-Touting-Pawn-Shop-Frequenting-Defender-of-Your-Right-to-Freedom-of-Expression”.

5. If, as everyone’s favourite Canadian anarchist George Woodcock contends, art is the highest expression of a community’s intelligence, how smart is St. Catharines?

Could you repeat the question?

6. C’mon, what do you mean, what do I mean, man?

What I mean is, what do you mean you don’t know what I mean, Nick?

7. I hate acronyms. What’s an AGM?

It stands for Annual General Meeting Suzanne and this one’s half over.

8. Hi, I’m calling about the Hayden show, can I get tickets for that?

Sorry, Dryden sold out in about 15 minutes about a 11 years ago, but the coat check’s still open – stop by and check your coat anyway.

9. What did Ed say?

I think he said intensity plus intensity equals a propensity for more, or maybe creativity galore, or maybe idiosyncrasy shouldn’t be a bore. You know, I don’t think it matters, it’s like two Tylenol falling into the sink, they go tink, tink, tink and then you watch them roll a round for a little bit. But as long as it’s got a rhythm, and as long as it can move it around like an FM dial and making yourself some space, you can call it Aokieology, I think.

10. Is there anyone there who can paint me a picture of Bob Barker with a patch over one eye that has the Oakland?

Raiders logo on it? It’s a silver logo with a pirate with a knife between his teeth and a patch over one eye. I need it for a T-shirt because I’m going on the Price Is Right.
Yeh, sure.

12. What is drawing?

People away from art galleries?

14. Ever since Suzanne Carte’s successful opening of her installation and performance piece (see main space, February 2005) NAC has been inundated with calls about how to enjoy beer. NAC members, or kNACkers, have a reputation for knowing how to get the most pleasure from beer and the community seems anxious to share in our expertise. In this aim, we pass on this excerpt from Virginia Elliot’s Quiet Drinking, a publication that staff, Board Directors and members frequently refer to and that is kept on the shelf beside the Policies and Procedures Manual.

Selecting the brand of beer you like best is more important than selecting your brand of coffee. Most people drink coffee because it is hot, but they drink beer because they love it.

Buy a bottle of each beer that is sold in your locality, then sit down calmly and seriously and taste them, chewing a bite of bread between each brand, until you find one most pleasant to your taste. It isn’t always the nationally known and widely advertised beer that is the best. Your local brewer may make one that is infinitely better and which costs less. After you have chosen your brand figure out approximately how much your family will consume in a week. Leave a standing order with your grocer or brewer and forget about it. Unless you have an enormous family or keep a boarding house you will have to use bottled beer. It is never as good as draught because it is pasteurized. In most localities the smallest keg of beer obtainable is a quarter barrel, or seven and one-half gallons. When a keg is tapped it should be consumed in four or five hours. After that time the carbonic acid which makes the bead is gone, and the beer is flat.

A party of ten or fifteen beer drinkers can easily consume a quarter barrel in an evening. If you are inviting everyone you know, order half or a whole barrel and have the brewery send along a man to tap the barrel and tend it during the evening. Make the male member of your family go to a brewery or beer garden and learn exactly how to tap a keg. Much beer has been wasted and much furniture ruined by the fellow who says he knows how to do the job. It is possible to tap a keg without losing more than a few drops, and it is surely worth the five or ten minutes it takes to learn how.

The temperature of beer is almost as important as the brand. There is nothing more nauseating than tepid beer. Keep as many bottles as possible in your refrigerator, and don’t forget to replace them as you use them. Most electric ice-boxes are too small to accommodate the food for the average family, so there is little space for beer. General Electric and Frigidaire are now making boxes with special compartments for beer storage, but they are staggeringly expensive. The department stores are selling a small chest, which takes twenty-five pounds of ice and two dozen bottles of beer. It can be shoved under the kitchen table. Some of these cost under ten dollars.

Cooling a keg of beer is a difficult matter in small quarters. Department stores and house-furnishing stores have a large ice ball which is a good idea. It holds six or eight cubes of ice and has a chain with a hook which fits over the edge of a pitcher. If your beer is delivered cold shortly before your party and you keep the ice ball constantly in the pitcher your beer will be the right temperature. For plutocrats there is an ideal pitcher. It has a glass cylinder, large enough to hold four cubes of ice, which extends down into the center and keeps the beer very cold. They are made from quart to gallon sizes, and some of them are very good looking. It is possible to get them with sterling silver lids for twenty-five dollars. Those with chromium lids cost from ten to fifteen.

There are beer carriers with compartments for chopped ice and places for four, six, or a dozen bottles, which are made of aluminum and are very light. They cost from five dollars for the four-bottle size to eight dollars and fifty cents for the largest.

If you live in the country and have a well, get an extra bucket to hold beer bottles and keep it suspended in the well. It will require a little juggling when you need water, but it is worth it.

For picnics there are metal-lined hampers, which are fairly light and hold a dozen bottles. They cost from three dollars to fifteen dollars. There are also thermos containers large enough to hold six bottles. They are very convenient, as you just take the cold bottles from the ice box, put them in the thermos and forget them until time to drink the beer.

If you have none of these conveniences, and want to take beer for the picnic or motor trip, resort to the old method of wrapping cold beer just out of the ice box in wet newspapers. It will stay cold for two hours.

A low galvanized wash tub is very useful. Half fill the tub with chopped ice and stick the bottles well into it. With this method the beer should be cooling at least an hour before you want to serve it. A couple of handfuls of coarse salt or ice-cream salt will help. Mark the caps of the first batch with a red crayon so you will be able to tell which bottles are cold as you keep replacing the used ones.

Beer deserves a special and decent service and it costs surprisingly little to get it. It just doesn’t taste the same from a water glass or tin cup.

Many old topers, and others who have a proper respect for the beverage, insist that it tastes best from a plain stone or earthenware mug. Of course there is a good reason for this. These mugs are very porous and keep the beer cold to the last drop. Imported German mugs of this type may be had for as low as thirty-five cents each. Domestic earthenware mugs come as low as ninety-five cents a dozen. Most of the mugs turned out by American potteries have a very hard glaze. Some of them are quite attractive, however, and they serve the purpose. Woolworth stores have a plain tan imitation of a German mug which is nice.

Glass beer utensils are to be had in all kinds, all sizes and at all prices. If you like to serve beer in glass, have it crystal clear. The market is flooded with perfectly horrible coloured glasses, which either hide the nice color of the beer, or give it a sickly hue.

Plain glass mugs of the beer-garden variety are being sold at the five- and ten-cent stores for five cents each. You can get the same shape in better quality glass from twenty-five cents to one dollar and fifty cents each.

Glasses with a so-called ornamentation of drunken figures or hideous faces done in lurid colours are just plain bad taste.

For outdoor drinking there are some very attractive glass mugs with covers to keep the bugs out. When the covers are of a cheap quality pewter or of aluminum they are around fifty cents each. The nicer ones are from one dollar and fifty cents to five dollars each.

There are stem glasses of all kinds and conditions, from the small lady-like bock to the snifter which holds half a gallon. In thick glass they are from fifteen cents to two dollars and fifty cents each. There are many kinds of metal mugs to be had if you like them. They gather moisture on the outside and leave rings on table-tops and linen, and are rather disagreeable to the touch. There are copies of colonial pewter mugs with glass bottoms from ninety-five cents to five dollars each.

For semi-formal table service there are mugs of nice design made of very thin glass. Some of them are lovely and cost from one dollar and fifty cents to five dollars each.

For formal service stem glasses of good quality and the tall slender Pilsner glasses are to be had at all prices.

If you have a small space in which to entertain, one of those folding table tops, equipped with a molding which fits over the average card table, is indispensable. They are round, fold over once and can be slipped behind the sofa or under the bed. They are made of three-plywood so that they will not warp. The small size which seats six comfortably is sold, unpainted, in department and house-furnishing stores and costs three dollars and fifty cents. They can be ordered in larger sizes but are not so practical as they tip too easily.

The peasant linens are particularly colourful and attractive for drinking parties. Most of the Basque and Russian things are really made of cotton. They wash very well and keep their color. Cloths fifty four inches square with six napkins cost one dollar and up. It is possible to get perfectly lovely hand woven ones for five dollars a set.

If you are interested in saving laundry, get some of those indestructible cloths, which have paper napkins to match. They come in gay plaids or in solid colors. DuPonts, oilcloth manufacturers, and the Fabrikoid companies are putting out some very attractive sets for this purpose.

If you are serving bottled beer, bring the bottles to the table and open them just as they are used. Tip the glass and pour the beer slowly against the side. If you pour it rapidly the glass is sure to overflow and you will have two-thirds collar. Have a salt cellar handy for those who insist upon a little salt. A good workable bottle opener is a necessity.

Beer is not fattening. It does, however, stimulate the appetite. If you haven’t enough will power to refrain from eating a lot of rich foods with it, don’t blame the beer. Five bottles of beer contain the same amount of fat-building substance as one slice of white bread.

Most people, these days, are interested in entertaining with as little cost and work as possible. Entertaining is very simple if you give the subject a little thought and keep your larder constantly supplied with staples.

Beer and food just naturally go together, and it is just as easy to serve interesting food as something dull and tasteless. If you give small supper parties of not more than six or eight and want to serve something hot, a chafing dish is ideal. Get out the old one and have it put into working order, or buy anew electric one. There is a very good electric dish on the market at three dollars and ninety-five cents. There is also one at two dollars and fifty cents, but its length of life is not guaranteed.

Get a tray large enough to hold the chafing dish, a set of small containers for flour, salt, pepper and mustard, and a bowl for your other ingredients. One trip to the kitchen is then all you need to make, and you can keep up with the conversation.

Prepare any of the foods which require much cooking during the day. As many chafing dish foods are made with a sauce, it is very simple to heat them up at the table.

From, Quiet Drinking
By Virginia Elliot
Published by Harcourt, Brace and Company, New York in 1933