TOP TEN AMERICAN FOLKLORE
REASONS TO RENEW YOUR NAC MEMBERSHIP
[OR SIGN ON A NEW MEMBER!]
10) If loggers in the American Frontier with fragile masculinity need to invent a giant and an ox as symbols of American vitality and machismo, then the least you can do is cushion environmentally irresponsible men by supporting politically challenging artwork.
9) Many sighters in the Pacific Northwest describe the Sasquatch as having a dome-shaped skull and protruding eyebrow ridge. More fearfully, those same sighters describe NAC members as, “playing on our primal fears of prehistoric art-sector survivors.” A NAC membership should vastly increase population rates, according to W. Greenwald of The Wyoming Department of Health.
8) A taxidermy American jackalope, caught in 1932 during a hunting trip involving Franklin D. Roosevelt, is visible for members only at the press of a button in the accessible washroom at NAC.
7) Davy Crockett, “King of the Wild Frontier,” lives in the last wild frontier—NAC’s basement. This is a historical fact verified in Crockett’s larger-than-life exploits popularized by several stage plays and almanacs. Don’t believe it? Buy a membership.
6) The veracity of your NAC membership is not a determining factor for NAC lore, but it pays for NAC’s water bill.
5) We Shall Overcome, a spoken word folk album by American folk hero Bernie Sanders was recorded and released in 1987. “The world in which we live in today//is an extremely depressing place//it’s hard to deny that” chirps one poetic stanza — a favourite among the several that NAC members are required to recite daily!
4) Like frontier America, NAC’s origin is often surrounded by legends and tall tales. Many stories have become part of our cultural awareness. These narratives may be true and may be false or may be a little true and a little false. Absolutely real though: Natasha’s heart grows six sizes every time you buy a membership. Her community adores this idiosyncrasy. Her cardiologist does not.
3) The man known as Johnny Appleseed was a magical scatterer of apple seeds from sea to shining sea until NAC members called “Times Up.” NAC members make shit happen.
2) The primary source of funding for artist-run centres is revenue from Johnny Appleseed pie sales. NAC members are in deep conflict about if they can enjoy a pie still. Contradiction is exciting for the psyche. Buy a membership!
1) On her deathbed, Annie Oakley “The Peerless Lady Wing-shot Little Sure Shot of the Wild West” was documented to breathlessly utter, “I regret that not buying a NAC membership interfered with my ability to have peers!” Half a second later Oakley hurled her departing soul off a crape-covered Victorian mirror, ricocheting it against the bedpost, through Aunt Lydia’s Bell sleeve and out a nearby open window. Aunt Lydia succumbed to her injuries on horseback six hours later. Everyone was impressed.